Posted by: Michelle Knoll | June 1, 2012

Gifts From the Lord

Sometimes I get really fretful over our kids.

Oh, now don’t look at me that way!  I know you all that have kids get just as fretful as I do!  Right? (And those of you who don’t have kids, well, you fret about other things!  Right?)

See, our sons have some amazing battles to fight.  Our older son has been battling issues with his heart since he was two months old.  He’s still looking for the correct major in college.  And he wants to join the Navy, but he’s not sure how that’s going to pan out.

And I ache for him.  And I get worried sometimes.  Yes, me.  The Christian.  The one who believes God can take care of everything.  (And I DO believe that!)  Yes, I get fretful.  I want his life to be full of abundance.  I want him to experience joy, and success in all his endeavors.  Will it happen?  I pray, and believe, that it will.  But sometimes… I still fret.

And our other son, the younger one, battles with… well, we don’t know all the battles going on.  We’re soon to find out, praise God!  We’re soon going for a complete neurological evaluation, which will tell us if there’s more than autism or Asperger’s, or those sorts of things.

But for now, we walk the path set before us, even if we don’t know exactly where it will lead.  We take one day at a time, and do our schoolwork, and attend therapeutic horseback riding lessons, and work on Scout advancement, and breathe.  Yes, we breathe in and breathe out and hold our breath and try to be patient when things move agonizingly slowly.

And I fret over him, too, sometimes.  Yes, me.  The follower of God who knows that God walks with her every step of the way.  I still fret.  Yes, I do!  It hurts to see him discouraged over things.  And I wonder:  will he be able to fulfill the dreams that he has?  Will he be able to build the robots that he sees in his mind?  Will he be able to “be a hero” like he wants to be, and rescue someone in danger?  I pray, and believe, it will happen.  But will it?

Only God knows. 

And only God knows the pain in my heart.  “Lord, why did you choose these two to face these battles?  And why couldn’t their lives have been simpler, easier, not so much pain and agony and frustration?”  It’s not, “Why me, Lord?”  but it’s “Why them?”

They both have such huge mountains to climb.  And I wonder, did God purposefully deal them these mountains?  Why?  WHY?

Some people say that things just happen, and God had nothing to do with it.  Some people say that God allowed it to happen, to “teach them a lesson.”  Some people say… well, does it matter what some people say?

And God’s Word echoes in my heart:

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord.  The fruit of the womb is a reward.”

And I smile, because I know, even with all the battles that they face – that we face together – our sons are beautiful.  They are wonderful!  They are my reward.  And we will teach them to be warriors, and conquerors, and followers of the Most High God, who has a purpose and a plan and a mission for both of them.

And I lay down my frets and worries and fears, and take this day, one step at a time, to make it all that it can be.

Thank You, God, for my gifts.

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