Posted by: Michelle Knoll | October 2, 2012

Thirty-One Days of Hearing His Voice {Day 2} – Grace and Beauty

This is Day 2 of my 31 days.  And it’s almost midnight! (It’s been a long, kinda rough day.  Ever have one of those?)

God’s voice was clear: “You are a woman of grace and beauty.”

Okay, that’s a statement I don’t hear every day.  “Me, Lord?  ME?”

“Yes, you.”

It’s something I want to be.  Something I long to be.  Something I crave being.  A woman of grace and beauty.  But most days?  To be honest?  I don’t feel like a woman of grace and beauty at all.

And I’m trying to get hold of this concept, and I’m trying to see myself this way.  But I have to tell you, it’s hard.

How many years have I seen myself as a bumbling, fumbling, accident waiting to happen?  How many times have I said the wrong words, given the wrong look, had the wrong expression on my face?  How many times have I stepped in to help when I didn’t need to?  How many times have I not helped when I needed to?  I’ve always seen myself as “Wrongway Feldman,” you know?  And all the not-so-cute little sayings come to mind, like “a day late and a dollar short.”

So to hear the Lord say I’m a woman of grace and beauty, well, that’s one I’m going to have to think on for a while.  Oh, I’m not calling Him a liar, mind you!  But wow.  How do I wrap my head around that one?  How do I embrace that with all my heart and say, “Yes!  that’s ME.”  How do I do that?

Grace.  And Beauty.  Big words for someone like me who usually feels so small.

Well, I feel small except when I’m standing on the scales in the bathroom.  🙂

That’s one of the biggest reasons I don’t see myself as a person – a woman – of grace and beauty.  There’s too much of me to see!  And I wince every time I think of that.  It’s something I’m trying to change, but the gears of weight loss turn slowly, and can get pretty discouraging.

Lord, how am I supposed to see myself as You see me?  I feel as if I will let you down if I can’t accomplish this, but at the same time, there’s so many things I see in myself that tell me I couldn’t possibly be hearing You correctly.  Surely You couldn’t be calling me a woman of grace and beauty.  Surely you mean some other person who carries my name.

And the tears fall.

And yet… I sense Your Presence so strong around me, and I know You are here with me, Your gentle nature drawing me closer to You.  And I sense Your Voice inside of me, echoing through the halls of my soul:

“Believe it.”

And I reach toward You with all of my being and  cry out, “Help me, my Lord.  Help me see as You see.  Help me believe.  Help me know in my heart of hearts that I have heard You correctly, that You really did say this, that I really am a woman of grace and beauty.”

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Responses

  1. God is always speaking….we only need to open our hearts and listen. God Bless you for taking the time to listen.~Sincerely Cindy


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