Posted by: Michelle Knoll | October 22, 2012

Thirty-One Days of Hearing His Voice {Day 22} – When I Feel Like…

Tonight is a night of emotion.  And no, it’s not because of the debate.  Well, mostly not.

There are times “when I feel like” no one listens to me.  And that’s hard.  So what do I do, “when I feel like” no one listens?  Well, to be honest, sometimes I cry.  After all, I’m human and I don’t have a heart of stone.  It hurts to think that I’m thought of so little, that my words don’t matter.

But then, I have to ask myself, why am I speaking anyway?  Just to be seen? Or heard?  Well, that’s a pretty shallow reason for speaking.  And that’s not why I speak.  I speak because I do have a heart, and I do have passion about some things.  And I may not say everything perfectly, or have the best arguments (reasons) for why I say what I say, but I have conviction.  So, I speak.

I am not the voice of one crying in the wilderness, but I am the voice of one searching through the wilderness.  And I’ve been promised if I keep on seeking, I will find!  So, I seek and search, and speak out while I’m seeking and searching.

And what do I do “when I feel like” I’m not a strong debater?  Oh, I’ve never felt strong in that department.  If I were on stage at the debate tonight?  I would not be a happy camper at the end.  Debating, stating my case with sufficient background facts, has never been my strong suit.  Though I’m learning in that department, I still have a long way to go.  And I may never make it to the strong side of the debate department.

But when I’m faced with opposition and pushed to defend myself, I don’t like it at all.  Why?  Because the world isn’t just cold, hard facts.  There’s heart involved.  Life is always about heart, as far as I’m concerned.  But if you enter a debate with heart in mind?  You’re seen as soft.  You’re seen as wimpy.  You’re seen as the one who can’t think straight, who doesn’t know what they’re talking about, who couldn’t fight their way out of a paper bag.

But the thing is, I do know what I’m talking about, when it comes to the heart side of the issue.  Yes, cold and hard facts are needed.  But they don’t run the world.  If people only did things because of cold and hard facts, then everyone would be robots.  Do you want robots running your military?  Do you want robots running your government?  Do you want robots running your foreign policy?  No, you don’t.  There’s a heart element involved in each of those, and when we allow cold and hard facts to rule out heart, we’re in trouble.

Now, before you jump all over me about facts, please go back and read the sentence starting on the second line of the last paragraph, which starts with “yes.”  Don’t rag on me and say that I said facts aren’t important, because that’s not what I said.

And “when I feel like” people are treating me as if I’m a child?  Oh, that one burns.  That one stings beyond compare.  And I get angry.  I am NOT a child!  I am over a half century old.  And I’ve seen a lot more than people think I’ve seen.  My life has not been a Pollyanna experience.  Yet, because I have a childlike attitude to a lot of things, and because I’ve decided to avoid a “jaded” approach to life, I’m regarded as a child.  “Well, bless her heart, she doesn’t really know about life.”  “Oh, she just thinks everything in the world is rosy, and everything always works out.  She truly believes her prince charming will come.”

Oh, really?  Well, guess what, world?  My Prince Charming WILL come.  And His Name is Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, the Prince of Peace.  And He comes with healing in His wings for me.  He comes to reassure me “when I feel like” no one else is listening, or no one cares, or no one can see I’m an adult, or no one thinks I can fight my way through a debate.

His Name is Jesus, or Yeshua, depending on what language you’re speaking.  And He loves me.  Oh, He loves everyone else, too.  But the important fact (and not a cold, hard fact, either!) to my heart is that He loves me.  And when we’re alone, and talking, knowing He loves me is all that matters.

And “when I feel like” I’m no one, He reminds me that I am someone, to Him.  And “when I feel like” no one listens, He reminds me that He keeps every single one of my prayers.  And “when I feel like” no one sees me as an adult, He reminds me that He sees me as the perfected, completed woman who He created me to be.

And then?  I’m good.  I’m encouraged, and I’m blessed, and ready to go on for another day.

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