Posted by: Michelle Knoll | August 30, 2016

Why Celebrate?

I just saw something that just… well, it hit me so oddly, I almost don’t know what to say.

However, I think I do know what to say. But this is off the cuff, so if this hits you the wrong way, or an odd way, then please let me know.

An acquaintance of mine on Facebook has obviously gotten divorced.  I don’t know any of the circumstances surrounding the situation, so I can’t judge the person and say something self-righteous, such as “well, you shouldn’t have gotten divorced!” Maybe they should have, you know? And the announcement that the divorce was final wasn’t what bothered me, because, like I said, maybe they should have. Maybe things were so awful that divorce was truly the only option.

However, it was the tone of the announcement, and the actual words that were used.

Granted, the post was made by a friend of the divorced man (my acquaintance), so the man really didn’t have any control over what was said. But the friend said “finally celebrating the divorce of….”

Finally?? Seriously?

You were waiting on this to happen, as if it couldn’t happen soon enough? Why would you yearn for two people to tear their lives apart? Especially if there are children involved? Why would you wish that on someone? Why aren’t you sad that they couldn’t work things out? Why are you relishing this?

Celebrating???

This hit me, you know, just right between the eyes. You’re celebrating? Celebrating? The ending of something that was meant to be beautiful, and long-lasting, and heartwarming, and joyful, even with its ups and downs? You’re celebrating the ripping apart of heartstrings that had been woven together for quite some time. Why?  WHY??? What in the world is cause for celebration over such a tragedy?

The picture with the post was of people having dinner at a restaurant, toasting the event. I mean, it just… wow. I don’t even really know this person. I assisted him with some video editing years ago, and we haven’t kept in touch, so, like I said, I really don’t know what has gone on in his life and why the divorce was necessary.

But to celebrate over it? Because it has finally happened?

That’s like celebrating over the fact that you finally had to put down your family pet who’s been sick for some time.

“Whew! Glad that’s over with! Let’s go get some dinner, gang!”

That’s like celebrating over the fact that you accidentally cut off your finger with a power tool.

“Dang, I’m glad THAT thing’s gone! It was giving me fits! Hey, let’s order pizza and beer!”

Folks, divorce is DEATH. That’s exactly what it is, whether it is needful or not. Some people can’t work out their problems no matter how hard they try, and so divorce is the only answer.  Some people don’t want to work out their problems, and so divorce ends up being the only way out. But divorce isn’t clean, no matter how well the prenup was written. Divorce is always, always, always messy, because two hearts that had become one, and had trusted each other and had leaned on each other, and had LOVED each other, are now being pulled apart and torn apart, and jagged edges remain.

Have you ever tried to rip apart a woven piece of cloth? Try it. Pick up a sheet made of sturdy cotton, that isn’t completely worn out, and try to rip it in two. “Yeah, but the edge is hemmed, which makes it hard to get the rip started.”

Exactly.

Marriage is like that sheet, the cloth with the hem that holds things in securely. The only reason it’s gotten to the stage of divorce is because someone didn’t take care of the hem, and things are frayed to the point that the cloth is weak.

Let me say it again: divorce is DEATH. And we should never, ever rejoice over divorce.  Divorce hurts! Divorce is painful! Divorce may be necessary, it may the only way out, but it should be a time for reflection and contemplation and grief over the loss.  Not forever grief, no. But a time of grief, which is part of the healing process when losing a loved one.

And yes, when a person goes through a divorce, he or she has lost a loved one. Granted, he may have hated the person by the time he got to the stage of divorce, but at one time in his life, he loved that person. And he needs to grieve the loss. And he needs to reflect and think about how the marriage got so sickly that it ended up with only one way out.

Besides, even though God allowed divorce in His Word, He hates divorce.  He grieves over it. It’s a very sad moment for Him, even if the only option is to get a divorce. It’s still sad for Him to watch lives get torn apart. Even if one spouse was confirmed to be crazy by medical diagnosis, and the other spouse shouldn’t be living with that person at all. He still grieves over the pain the divorce causes. Two lives must be rebuilt, and sometimes the bouncing back isn’t easy at all. It’s certainly not a time for a party, even if someone thinks that’s what they want at the time.

To me, the comment was so distasteful and so… well, I can’t think of another word. But it also speaks of the turning of attitude in this country. We are cold now. So cold that we can toss people and hearts aside like old, worn out shoes. “Ding dong, the wicked witch is… well, you know!”

Look, friend of divorced man, I don’t care how bad she was. She was a real human being, just like you. And she has feelings, just like you. And you wouldn’t be too happy if someone called you a wicked witch. Or a son of a bitch. Or a damned fool. So you’ve got no right to be railing against someone like that, and especially not in public. I don’t care if she seems crazy to you. I don’t care if she really is crazy. Have some decency, please!

Okay. Rant cafe closed. No lol’s tonight. I’m just gonna go and sit and think and ponder on just how far we’ve come as a people. Or maybe how far we’ve fallen behind.

 

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